“If adolescents are the ones with all of the changes
happening, can someone explain the EPIC episodes that my parents are having?” As
most of my posts have, this topic derived from a conversation with a close
friend about how she has become adamant about living out her dreams and begun
putting in the work to do so. However, she feels that her parents are quite
lackadaisical in regards to their desires and sometimes argues with them about
their perceptions and behaviors. This is most definitely not irregular; even
I—as many older adolescents do—tend to dispute with parents about the errors of
their ways. We don’t mean to call them out disrespectfully, but it is
bothersome that those who we model our adulthood after suddenly have major
cracks in their previously perfect, gilded figure. Yet, I’m sure you’re still
wondering, Where does it say all of
this is okay? (OMJesus, I’m such a poet!! #UOENO)
Harry Prosen, John Toews,
and Robert Martin co-authored an article discussing the intersection of
parental midlife crisis and adolescent rebellion. With parents coming to terms
with the finiteness of time, much of their time is devoted to “making up for
lost time”; this rings an alarm for the teenager as they no longer look at
their main role model—their parents, especially the parent of the same sex—as the
most stable person behaviorally. (This phenomenon is called deidealization.)
Parents, though, work their hardest—even forcefully—to maintain this perfectionistic
relationship to reduce the chances of rebellion, which more often results in
the opposite. Another factor of the disharmony between the two age groups is
the shift from “alloplastic mastery” to “autoplastic mastery” in parents. This
means that midlife adults grow more concerned with improvement of the self and
can find contentment with the pace of the outside world, contrasting their
previous apprehension with control of external affairs in order to gain a sense
of independence.
Now you may think that the
best thing to do is to prevent the combatting from occurring and become dependent
on one another. (This would most likely occur if the child fears the demands of
an independent adulthood and the parent is overly anxious with aging and its
effects.) TOTALLY reasonable, but let’s be honest; how often are we successful
when driven by fear or stress? Yes, nobody has time for conflict between the parentals
and pubescents, but when progression is the objective, the ugly often precedes
the pretty. #KeepCalmAndJustWerk
- Brandon Avery
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