"I’m Not Saying ‘I RUN THIS’, But…I’m Just Saying…MEEEEEE!!!!!!"

“On a scale ranging from Angelica Pickles to Barney Stinson, how self-concerned is your kid?” People close to me will be in disbelief about the revelation I had this week, but here goes: I, Brandon Avery, as much as I can be selfless, am indeed very selfish. Even more so, it seems that I am not good at knowing when to appropriately be either. Yes, I did just say it benefits one to be self-interested when called for. You should never give so much of yourself that you have nothing left to come back to. But dear adolescents, according to your parents you’re a little too focused on (*insert whiny voice here*) “my future, my clique, my wardrobe, my boo thang, my image…” all that is “M-I-N-E”. As annoying and unrighteous as this behavior appears, might it be necessary, and is it temporary?

David Elkind, Ph.D and specialist in cognitive (thought processes) and social development in childhood and adolescence, argued that with each stage of cognitive development (look up Jean Piaget for further details on that) garners a type of egocentrism appropriate for the age cluster’s cognitive abilities. FYI: Egocentrism, according to Elkind, is “the inability to differentiate one’s own thoughts and feelings from those of others.” He also believed that the chief goal of adolescence was “conquest of thought,” meaning that an adolescent desires to conceptualize the thoughts of others as naturally he/she does his/her own. As a result, adolescents tend to believe that what they find relevant and important—and why—everyone else does—or should—too. Adolescent egocentrism is characterized by two notions: the personal fable (a.k.a. “Uh, no. I’m SO different; that could NEVER happen to ME. Swerve.”) and the imaginary audience (a.k.a. “I swear he is ALWAYS talking about/looking at/trying to be like me. Swerve.”).

#Gospel: This behavior tends to end when middle adolescence (16 Y.O.) is reached as teens are able to discern their own concerns from those of others; also, the testing of their beliefs helps in transitioning out of this thinking when adolescents adhere to the people whose opinions truly matter, or the actual audience. Thus, don’t deem selfishness as callous and immature. It’s a necessary tool we all use—yes, adults too—to learn what is and is not fetch. #ReginaGeorgeFlow

"Yeah, Remember that One Time…?"

“How can people be so simple to think that all people of a race, generation, or culture are exactly the same?” Funny thing is that this is a situation even early adolescents are intelligent enough to realize and bold enough to ask. Yet, older counterparts who have met many people in their lives and witnessed numerous phenomena tend to quickly and quasi-accurately (FYI: “quasi” = “somewhat”) judge people and situations based on their demographic (e.g. location, ethnicity, age, etc.). This pretty much sums up the actions of Miss America 2014 Nina Davuluri’s poorly educated Twitter critics and attackers of a dear friend, Zach Paluch (see this link for details). As quickly as people will call themselves unique, they will claim the next person is another statistic—and feel justified in it. Pero cómo?

Nationally esteemed and published professor of psychology Frank T. McAndrew (one of my undergraduate advisors; you mad?) has done research on a concept called the “power of the particular.” It is the usage of facts and traits of a significant individual or experience to figure the predictability of behaviors in people and events similar to the exemplar. Prof. McAndrew states, “For better or worse, this [power of the particular] is the mental equipment that we must rely on to navigate our way through a modern world filled with technology and strangers.” Essentially, it’s a type of top-down processing: you have a belief about how something should happen and then judge instances on how much they agree with your beliefs. Not that it is fair or even reliable, but CLEARLY it is human nature.

Pertaining to adolescents, this is a crucial conflict for multiple reasons. One being that in finding one’s identity—the sole psychosocial conflict of this age group—he or she tends to find someone to idolize and mimic only to find that the grass is not always greener on the other side…especially when you have to mow it! (Get in touch with an “80’s baby” if that went over your head.) Just as well, adolescents are learning to mentally map situations and people, creating files and folders and bookmarks about who and what is significant. Making these connections, however, are difficult as teens have yet to experience everything needed to make solid judgments. Moreover, snap judgments are made even as adults, especially if your cultural capital (remember that?) and network are limited. That said, diversify your circle of friends, explore places unknown, and rely not on Twitter/Instagram/Vine to do either.

- Brandon Avery

True Life: I’m an Emotional Roller Coaster

“Since when did being bipolar become ‘a thing’?” Right now, some parent of a teen asks this question to a group filled with 30-somethings and mid-life parents, and a conversation filled with agreeing yet flustered outcries ensues. A conversation for which you serve as the main idea. Now, let’s be honest; we adolescents give parent legitimate reasons to lay this claim. Personally, I like to think of myself as fueled by inspiration, rather than bipolar. When I am able to complete goals or involved in something I truly believe in, I am on 10…thousand! On the flipside, I tend to look like death when I am in a situation I did not plan for or my self-perception drops. Ignorance is definitely bliss in a case like this. Once you realize how duplicitous you are, you often have one-man convos resembling the one atop, crying out, “WHAT IS THE DEAL?!”

Two college professors, Reed Larson (Human Development/Family Studies, UIUC) and Maryse L. Richards (Psychology, Loyola), co-authored a publication in 1994, highlighting how emotionally unstable the lives of young adolescents (10 to 15 Y.O.) are, in comparison to their adult counterparts. Each participant was given a pager—yes, a pager—that, during the span of one week, would randomly signal eight times per day; whenever the pager signaled, the person would give a self-report of their feelings, thoughts, and mood. Within each family triad (groups comprised of mother-father-adolescent) that partook in shared scenarios daily, self-reports indicated that adolescents dealt with circumstances more sensitively. They were three times more likely to “very unhappy” during unfavorable events and five times more likely to respond to favorable events with “very happy”. When reporting psychological states, adolescents felt “self-conscious” or “embarrassed” two to three times more than their parents; contrarily, they felt less “in control” or “interested” in their immediate lives as compared to adults. (It’s funny how this article is nearly 20 years old, but it speaks on our behavior to the current moment and hits EVERY mark. Something to consider…)

Well, who needs Six Flags when this is your life?! Ya sé; me siento tan como ti. PERO, as you get older your mind creates a stronger filter, and just as you’re able to decide what matters and what does not, you gain ability to better regulate your emotions and take ownership of situations. Imagine that: turning your life from “Raging Bull” to “Lazy River”... #WhereTheyDoThatAt #MeGusta

- Brandon Avery

Sexity, Sex-sex, Sex-a-doo, NAKED

“Why is EVERYTHING about sex nowadays?” #FunFact: Sex being a hot topic yet taboo is nothing new. Yes, Miley Cyrus did the ABSOLUTE most at the MTV Video Music awards this year, but do you know anything about Janet Jackson during the early 90s? 3 words: Velvet Rope Tour. Do your research. In a sense everybody is having sex. If you’re not doing it, it is a thought that arrives often enough. #FunFact: It’s TOTALLY fine to have those thoughts because you’re supposed to. As I said before, as an adolescent you go through the most major biological, psychological, and social changes of your life; sexuality (i.e. sexual ability and awareness) is one of the most major biological and psychological changes. Though sex is a normal life process, the act is an EXTREMELY risky one. So why do people—more so adolescents—treat it so lightly?

According to Laurence Steinberg of Temple University (one of my FAAAAAVE psychologists), the time of adolescence brings about a high level of openness as there are gaps in cognitive (thinking) and affective (emotional) development. Steinberg, in a 2005 article, spoke of two key observations about brain development in adolescents: specific brain regions and systems that are central locations for behavior regulation and risk/reward evaluation undertake much development during adolescence; and the disconnection in adolescents’ affective experiences and ability to control arousal and motivation is caused by puberty-triggered arousal and motivation, which occurs before competence in mental self-governance is adequately achieved. Layman’s terms: adolescents have yet to get the tools needed for successfully handling the changes they are rapidly and involuntarily experiencing, yet they must “turn up” because there is a deep, unexplainable yearning for a “body party”.

No, I’m not saying that all adolescents—including you—are in desperate need of a lay, for I would be saying that about myself, and I am NOT about that life. Still, from 10 to 25 years of age, we are very sensitive to the messages that are sent to us on a daily basis about what we are to become and how to go about becoming that person. This becomes really tough when we don’t have enough ability or experiences to discern the messages matter from the ones to hit “Ctrl + Alt + Del” for. As the elders say, “If you live long enough, you’ll see it all.” Thus, the more experiences you have and the more conscientious you are in them, the less Miley moments you’ll partake in. Guaranteed.

- Brandon Avery